Where Oh Where Did She Go??

I know what you are all thinking...Where in the hell did this chick disappear to. Yes, I know. I have been slacking greatly in the blogging community and if you're still following me on this great blog of mine...Sorry I havent been writing lately.

My last has been crazy hectic to say the least. If you didn't notice I had a guest post at the end of the month. Sarah was wonderful enough to stop by and write for me while I was busy doing things for my dad's real estate sale.  Since that sale, we have only had a week to get the rest of his house cleaned out. It's been a chore to say the least.

I am so exhausted. Not only am I running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to keep this house cleaned (it seems no matter what I do I cant seem to stay caught up) I also decided to be stupid enough to take on babysitting two extra children. So now Monday through Thursday I will have a total of 5 children in this house...HELLO STRESS FACTOR! What the hell was I thinking???

I will try and keep everyone updated and get back into a writing spunk here soon. My brain is just mesh and to be able to pull anything remotely interesting out of there to write about would be nearly impossible!

..On a happier note..I found out on Thursday that I got into nursing school! I start in January! WOOHOO! Go me!

Guest Post: Sarah from Being Momma

So if you havent noticed, I have been pretty MIA over the last week or so. I have been preparing for my father's real estate auction all week. Since tomorrow is the big day and the blog has been pretty slack, I asked my good friend Sarah over at Being Momma to guest post for me today. You should totally go check her out and follow along with her blog if you don't already. I have been following Sarah for several months now and just to be able to talk to someone else who goes through the daily struggles like I do has been amazing! So I'll leave the rest to Sarah. I hope everyone enjoys her guest post! Thanks so much again Sarah!!






Hey there!  I'm Sarah over at Being Momma.  I'm a new-ish momma to an amazing (and sometimes horrendous) little guy.  I stumbled across Tory's blog a few months ago & have read it since.  It's kind of comforting to know that somewhere out there another momma is wanting to rip her hair out & hug her kid(s) all at once.  I hope you enjoy the post and that maybe you'll stop by my neck of the woods soon.
 
I have learned many things about kids in the past two years.  The three most important are:

1. I knew nothing about children before I had Gabe, and everything I thought I knew was a lie.
2. Vomit's not the only thing that can project across a room.
3. While Curious George has taught Gabe some colors, numbers, etc... the damned little monkey has taught me to NEVER buy my kid a monkey.  Ever.

 
I was Mom of the Year before I ever had a child.  I could tell you what their problem was, how they needed to be handled, & how the poor bastards that were their parents were just lazy & impatient.  I could've written book upon book of "child raising methods".  I. knew. it. ALL.
 
Someone should have shaken me back then.  It's okay, though... 'cause reality slapped me in the face when I gave birth.  Gabe's not a bad kid, but he's all boy.  And by that I mean he likes to Superman off his highchair and smash his Tonka truck into doors.  He likes to head-butt (yep.  that's right).  He gives a high-five like nobody's business.  So what do you get with a little guy like that?
 
Dare devil + little bull + fierce = Terrible, TERRIBLE two's.
 
Yep; we've hit the motherload, y'all.  For months now I have wanted to either gouge out my eyes, drink a case coupl'a cases of beer, or both.  I've tried spanking.  Time out.  Talking in "soft, soothing tones" (that's a crock, FYI).  I have tried everything but tying him to the roof of my car & driving around.  And the only reason I've not tried that is 'cause he'd like it.  Well.. that & it's child abuse.. neglect.. somethingorother.  He has his good days, don't get me wrong.  In fact, when Gabe is good, he is excellent.  But when he's bad... oh, boy.  Prepare to die slowly inside.  So to all those parents who I've criticised... I am SO sorry.  And if you could remove the curse you've all placed on me I would certainly appreciate it.
 
I'm not really going to touch on number two, because who wants to read about projectiled anything.  But I will say this: I have never gagged so much in my entire life until I-- you guessed it-- had Gabe.  I'm taking an anatomy class, now... so while everyone else is excusing themselves from lab because they can't handle fetal pigs & organs... I'm good.  In fact, I'm probably the weird one poking at whateveritis with my pencil.  Moving on.
 
Lastly, Curious freakin' George.  My younger brother loved the books when he was little, and I've read to my son since birth.  So I figured, Gabe likes the little books... why not the movie?!?!  
 
Epic mommy fail.  Not only does Gabe ADORE the damned cartoon, but he has taken to mimicking the monkey.  Yessir.  He mimics George.  Very well.  Gabe's a smart kid (I've not decided if this is to my benefit or my demise).  He picks up on everything pretty easily.  So when George makes a mess of the bathroom... or knocks over a cuckoo clock (we just so happen to have one.. go figure), Gabe's right there with him trying to do the same thing.  It's gotten to the point, and I kid you not, that I have to secure him in his highchair if I know I'm going to be out of the room, and out of earshot, for longer than 5.  Seconds.  Gabe's a quick little sucker, and I'm petrified at what all he can do.  With that being said, I still like little George.  If nothing else it's decent entertainment for when life gets hectic for about an hour (and it often does).  Hell, I'd rather him mimic Curious George than, say, Spongedumb Squarepants, any day.
 
Just know, Gabe will not be getting a monkey any time soon.  Unless it's stuffed... and then we'll talk.

Fall Blog Challenge-Day Five

If you're still following along with this challenge....Happy Friday! And here's to day 5!! Go link up with Amber over at Brunch With Amber

Day 5: Things You Are Looking Forward To For Fall

• Cooler weather. It will be nice not to sweat my ass off everytime I walk outside.
• School time!!!! I know AD is only in preschool but it still gives me 4 hours every Tuesday and Thursday where I can relax!!
• Sweaters. I love wearing sweaters, long sleeves, or sweatshirts.
• Leaves changing colors. I love the way the trees look when fall rolls around.
• Earlier bed times. Since it gets darker sooner in the fall time, the kids are in bed earlier!
• Holidays with my family!! Although I am expecting holidays to be a little difficult this year without Dad here.
• Fall TV shows! I love that the season premieres have all started for pretty much every show I watch.

What do you look forward to most now that fall is just around the corner??

Fall Blog Challenge-Day Four

Linking up with Amber again today for the Fabulous Fall Blog Challenege

Day 4: Fall Decorating
Normally I don't do a whole lot of decorating when it comes to fall considering I don't have the time with the kids running all over the place to get it all out around the house. Plus when it's new stuff that's out that the kids dont see on a daily basis, it doesn't get left alone.
However....someday when the kids are older and I have a little more time and patience..I will decorate the house with things like this....

both pictures via Pinterest

How do you decorate for fall?

Movie Review--Madea's Big Happy Family

Up for review this week--Madea's Big Happy Family

I absolutely love Tyler Perry. I have seen every movie he has ever made, except for the plays. I can't bring myself to watch all of them, just not the same as a movie.

In this movie, Madea's neice Shirley (Loretta Devine) receives some devastating news about her health. Madea uses her abusive ways creative skills to try and bring her Shirley's children all together so their mother can share the news with them. Kimberly (Shannon Kane), Tammy (Natalie Desselle Reid) and Byron (Bow Wow) are all too wrapped up in their own lives to spend time with Shirley. As Aunt Bam (Cassi Davis) and Madea work together to plan a family supper, the announcement of a buried family secret is unveiled.

Although I have to give props to Tyler Perry because once again did he not only have me rolling on the floor with laughter, but he brought tears to my eyes. It never fails. Every single time I watch a Tyler Perry movie, I end up bawling.

I would definitely recommend buying this movie. This is one I could definitely watch again. Totally was worth the 20 dollars to buy it.

Movie Rating: A

The Last Straw

I am really to the point right now where I no longer have a clue what to do with this kid. He is the mouthiest kid I think I have ever met. His attitude is ridiculous and his acting like he's the boss has gotten on my last nerve.

The kicking, punching and smacking has gotten out of control. He hits everyone, not just his sister anymore, but me as well. Today he got so angry because I told him no, that he came over and pulled the pacifier out of B's mouth after she finally had fallen asleep. Of course she started screaming, then he got in trouble and got sent to his room. I now have to force him to stay in there by standing in the door way, otherwise he runs right now. Then he thinks it's a game and laughs the whole time.

If I tell him to do something, he tells me to do it right back. I told him to sit down today, he fires back "you sit down" I'm at my wits end. Everyone keeps telling me he only acts this way when I'm around. He's a fairly decent child when my mom has him and the other night when I went to babysit for my cousin and M stayed home with them, M said he was a completely different kid, but "he's always a different kid when you're not around".

So what do I do that is so different than anyone else? M doesn't have to yell when I'm not home. He doesn't kick, hit or yell at M, like he does me. He sits down and actually listens (for the most part)

I am sick of all the yelling, on my part and his. I wish I could figure out what's going on. I really don't know what do with him anymore. Is this seriously normal 4 year old behavior? With ADHD running on his father's side of the family, I almost wonder if he doesn't have some kind of hyperactivity disorder, but what I don't understand is he's pretty good in preschool. His teacher said they've only had one episode where he was a little high strung but that it wasn't anything out of the ordinary......I just don't know what to do anymore.

Where did I go wrong in parenting this child? AN is starting to pick up on everything he does and I don't want to go through this stage again with her. Something has got to give.

Fall Blog Challenge-Day Three

Linking up again today with Amber for the Fall Blog Challenge





What do you do for Halloween/a Halloween memory?
I love dressing up for Halloween. I love all the different costumes and trying different ones on.
Last year M and I took the kids trick or treating the night of Halloween. It turned out to be a lot of fun and of course I love the CANDY!

Iron Man and Kitty

The Saturday before Halloween last year, M and I decided to go up to the bar to the Halloween party. Usually every year, we try to go to a party after the kids have gone trick or treating and are home on bed. Some years it just doesn't work out. It depends on how the kids are feeling and how we are feeling.

We played cop and prisoner last year:)

No Sick Days Allowed

Coughing, runny nose, chest congestion, fevers.....Sick.

Mommy is sick, baby is sick, toddler is sick, preschooler is sick. This house is a germ pool waiting to infest the body of anyone who dares walk into the house. Medicine, KIeenex, cough drops, anything to make some of the aching go away.

Everyone is so crabby and on edge. Both the older kids are fighting because one person wants to watch Spongebob while the other wants to watch Dora. Fighting over blankets and spots on the couch. I have no strength to yell or argue today..

A cough..."Cover your mouth please" A sneeze..."Please don't wipe your snot on the couch".

A cry..."Mama, hold me..I hurtin" Her ears again. Everytime this poor girl is sick it's her ears. I get angry. Angry because having the tubes put in didn't help the way it should have. Angry because I can't take away the pain she is feeling. Angry because exhaustion has overtaken her body, but she just wants to fight me. I carry her to the couch as she sobs and sobs. As I lay there with her I sush her to sleep and whisper softly in her ear. Within a few minutes she is giving in to sleep.

The preschool boy. Oh the preschool boy. I can tell by the way he is talking to me today that his throat hurts. His voice raspy. We manuever to his room and he sits there. I flip on the TV and cuddle him in bed. I take in the sounds of Spiderman playing in the background. Time to rest baby boy. Time to rest.

Back in the living room with baby, the crying continues. This tiny little girl is so miserable. Six weeks old and already dealing with her first bout of illness. As I nestle her into my chest, she struggles to get comfortable. I gently pat her back, hoping that she will close her heavy eyes.

The squeak of the rocking chair, her deep breathing, a Barney theme song, Peter Parker talking to Mary Jane. Everyone quiet. Everyone still. Mama drifts off to sleep............

.......and then the phone rings.

Linking up with Just Write

Fall Blog Challenge-Day Two

Onto day 2 of the fall blog challenge. If you missed it you can link up here. I will be linking up for the next two weeks.







Today's topic: Fall clothes/trends/makeup
I love the fall weather! The weather starts to cool off so I get to pull out my boots, sweaters and hats. I still wear jeans, but that doesn't change because I normally wear jeans all summer as well too.

I could wear boots like this all year round, but I try to save them and not start wearing them until the fall and then stop once summer hits. They are just so adorable!

As far as makeup goes, nothing changes. I normally don't wear a whole lot of makeup anyways and when I do throw some on in the fall, it usually looks the same way that it looks in the summer/winter/spring.

Happy fall guys:)

Fall Blog Challenge--Day One

I am so excited to be linking up with Amber and Neely for their blog challenge!!





Some of my favorite fall traditions:
Football

Shopping for Halloween Costumes

Pumpkin Spice Lattes

These are just a few of my favorite fall traditions.....Link up and share yours!

Just One Of Those Days

So here's an apology in advance if this post seems all over the place or if it makes no sense, but I need to vent today.

I am seriously sitting at a point right now in my life where I feel like a piece of shit. I hate how insecure and completely jealous I am...even when it comes to the smallest shit. I should own up to my own problems, but I blame all of my trust issues on the ex. I hate him so much some days for the way he treated me and the hell he put me through to make me believe that I was worthless. I feel like I am not enough for anybody, nor could I ever be. There is something that I don't offer somebody, so that person will always be looking for something more. I'm fucked up. Thanks ex for making me this way....

You learn what you live??? So I've been told. Well if that's true then I guess I could put some of the blame on my parents...but who does that?!?! Everyone has had a shitty childhood so why place the blame there? My parents were not perfect and I grew up watching a lot of shit that kids my age probably shouldn't watch, let alone even know that kind of stuff goes on...but I did..and I lived through it and it's made me the person I am today....insecure or not.

M struggles with trying to make me feel good about myself. Compliments and all. Some days it helps...some days I feel amazing...other days...like today I feel like I could curl up in a ball and just cry my eyes out. Maybe I should stop living in the past??? I bring up shit that happened umpteen years ago and make myself feel this way, make myself question everything that M and I have. I know he is sick of it. He might not admit to it, but I know he is to the point where he really doesn't know what to do or say anymore.

I've questioned PPD. Is it possible 6 weeks later? Or does it strike you right away? But then I'm in denial....PPD yeah right..I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me. I dont have depression. I'm just miserable because of the way I feel somedays.

Stupid...Stupid...Stupid.......

That is all.

Shit I Hate Sunday

So I am linking up today for the first time over at Rockin Mama for her Shit I Hate Sunday. Go check her out. She's rocks my damn socks!!

Shit I hate....being hungover and trying to take care of a baby. That damn shit doesn't work! Guess that will teach me to drink as much as I did last night.

Shit I hate....fighting with the ex over the kids. He always manages to piss me off some how by screwing up the time schedule on the weekends...When I say please don't make it a late night...having you call me and tell me that you can meet me at midnight..how the hell is that early to you!?!?!

Shit I hate...taking things the way M says them wrong....which causes us to fight...which causes me to get even more pissed off and then cry because my damn feelings are hurt because I took whatever he said wrong.

Shit I hate...having to apologize for overreacting.

Shit I hate....my dirty house. Seriously. It's like a never ending damn cycle. I wish it would clean itself already.

Shit I hate....the damn Vikings...honestly and truly I am a Vikes Fan but let's get your shit together for once instead of pissing the damn game down your legs.... UGH!!!

Shit I hate...watching M get all excited because his stupid Packers team won.....which makes them 2-0...BOO!!!

Shit I hate...hot pizza...now not only is the top of my mouth burnt, but I have a huge blister on my nose and looked stupid as hell! Thank you pizza sauce!!

Shit I hate.....bar tabs. Seriously never start one of those things. I get too drunk to the point where I just start writing everything down AND buying drinks for other people. M went to pay the bill last night before leaving and wasn't very happy with me.

Shit I hate...money period. Too bad everything isnt free. It would make life a hell of a lot less stressful!

Fill In The Blank Friday

1.   You should always take time to  spend time with your family. You never know when they might not be here anymore.

2. My children  make(s) the world a happier place to be.

3.  I can hardly wait for January, so I can start school again.

4.    Saturday   is my favorite day of the week.

5.  Something totally dumb and ridiculous that I love is  soap operas. I can't miss a single day of the shows.

6.  If I could, I would hire a maid to make my life less stressful.

7.  I rather like  my nighttime peace and quiet

Linking up with The Little Things We Do      Happy Friday:):)

Movie Review--Paul

So I decided since I watch quite a bit of new movies and I am usually always buying them that I would start a movie review every week. That way I can share my opinions on the movie. I always seem to find other people's opinion on the movie very helpful when I go to buy it. So here goes nothing:

I bought this movie after seeing the previews for it because I thought it looked really funny. It's about two British comic book geeks who are traveling across the U.S. and they run into an alien outside of Area 51.

 I love Seth Rogen, so it was an added bonus to have him in the movie. There were also a lot of other funny comedians in the movie, such as Jason Bateman, Jane Lynch, Bill Hader and more. Looking at the line up I expected to laugh my ass off.

Ten minutes into the movie, I was already kind of bored with it. The humor is there, it just takes a while to get into the movie and it's not very funny. I was fairly disappointed with the movie. I liked it, but not as much as I thought I was going to.

In my opinion, I would have just rented the movie versus buying it. It will be a movie that I only watch one time and now will just sit on my DVD stand. 

Rated: B

WW: Feeding Baby

This is what she was doing with her baby doll while I fed B the other morning. Bottle and all!

Second Week of Preschool

So AD is officially in his second week of preschool. He seems to be enjoying it. I, too, am enjoying it as well. The only problem I have.......he doesn't go often enough. After M and I decided to enroll him in preschool, they told us he would go Tuesdays and Thursdays. The disappointment factor??? Finding out that there is a school twenty minutes away that offers preschool everyday. I did have issues with this however because I am not really sure how I feel about a 4 year old going to school everyday. The Kindergarten schedule up here is still every other day, so sending him to preschool everyday and then sending him to Kindergarten every other day, makes no sense to me.

He is a very smart kid, sometimes almost too smart for his own good. He has learned quite a bit already and I am thrilled with the way his teacher teaches and responds to the children his age. His attitude at home hasn't changed a whole lot and I was hoping with him going to school that it would. Perhaps it will since we are only in the second week of it. I can only hope! So sick of the fighting, hitting, yelling, pushing etc. that he does with AN. The tempers in this house are UNREAL!

Here's AD on the first day of school

He was very excited to start the first day. Woke himself up, picked out his clothes (with a little help from me) ate breakfast, packed his book bag and watched a little TV before the bus got here. We headed outside about ten minutes before the bus got here and maneuvered our way up to go stand by the rest of the kids and wait for the bus. He kept talking about how excited he was to get on the bus and be a "big boy". Everything was fine and dandy until the bus actually pulled up. He REFUSED to get on. With the help from M's brothers, I finally got him to get on the bus with them.

It's OK

It's O.K.
--to want to spend all day in bed.
--to sit outside on the deck and cry because you are stressed out with the crying and screaming from your kids
--to not give in to watching cartoons
--to not want to admit you overreacted after fighting with the boyfriend
--to skip lunch and just eat candy
--to feed your child dry cereal for lunch
--to watch DVR'd  shows instead of cleaning the house
--to just be lazy and not do a damn thing with your hair except throw it in a pony tail
--to play the TV a little bit longer in the kids' room at nap time, just to keep them in their rooms a little bit longer
--to not blog every single day, even if you would like to
--to be upset that the Packers will be playing tonight so I wont have any attention paid to me
--to be nervous about serious conversations
--to want to move and get the hell out of here
--to make supper from a box
--to drink coffee in the afternoon

Worst Feeling In The World

Everything happened so fast. The feeling rushed over me like waves crashing against the banks of the harbor. The room started spinning, tears started streaming down my face and that's when I started hyperventilating.......

Earlier that day I tried to keep myself preoccupied (picking out clothes, called ex to see how kids were, etc) as to not have to face the reality that was smacking me square in the face. I was dealing with it the best way that I knew how. As everyone started getting ready, I pulled myself up off the living room floor and headed upstairs to my sister's room to get ready myself. I struggled to put on my clothes. Jeans and a nice shirt shouldn't be that hard to pick out, except for the fact that I was 20 some weeks pregnant and nothing fit anymore and I wasn't "all there" so to speak. I skipped putting on make up. I knew it would just be a waste of time any way. I then straightened my hair to the best of my ability.

I staggered back to the living room, forcing myself to stay on my feet. I plopped myself back down on the floor. Someone had turned the channel to CMT and we were all listening to country music. "If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away" came across the TV and my siblings, my stepfather and my mother all had a moment sitting there, in silence, tears streaming down our faces.

The time is now 3:45pm. I was still sitting in the living room waiting on M to arrive at the house and everyone was getting ready to head to their cars. We needed to be at the funeral home by 4. My mom offered to sit and wait with me until M got there, but I told her just to go ahead and go. As everyone else was walking out the door, M walked into the house. For some reason I couldn't bring myself to get out of the chair I was currently sitting in. Tears started streaming down my face and I wasn't sure how I was going to handle doing any of this.

M and I got into our van and headed into town. I cried the whole way there. As we pulled up to the funeral home, M had to literally force me out of the van. We walked into the doors and I saw my entire family standing there. That's when the heavy breathing started.

I maneuvered my way to the viewing room. Both of my sisters were standing up by the casket. By this time I was crying so extremely hard and loud that I thought I was going to pass out. I couldn't bring myself to walk up to the casket to say my final good bye to my father. I remember my mom holding me, although the conversation she was having with me is a blur. I couldn't move. That's when the room started spinning. I was trying anything possible to compose myself at this point. I didn't feel right and I felt as though I was going to pass out. That's when I started hyperventilating. I managed to bring myself to sit on the couch with M. My head was pounding and my chest was aching. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Sometime between the heavy breathing, excessive tears and constant ache I was feeling, I controlled myself
long enough to make my way up to look at my father.

I remember looking at him thinking, "How is this possible? How could he have gone so fast?" Just a mere three weeks ago, we were told he had six months or less to live. I wanted those six months. I wanted more time...My chest started aching again. I blame this pain on my heart breaking, not the panic attack. I stood there for the longest time, just staring at him, wishing I could give anything to have him back. I finally kissed him on his head and said my goodbye and headed outside.

The day I had to say my final goodbye to my father was the day I had my first true panic attack. I don't know how to explain it to anyone else, but at the time, I was dealing with the worst feeling I'd ever felt in my whole entire life.

WW-Where Gender Is Not An Issue

Things Pissin Me Off Today

A post completely dedicated to bitchin telling you how I feel...I think yes. It's been one of those days already and it's not even noon.

• Being woke up before it's even light out. Seriously children!?! Do you know what time it is (insert smart ass comment from my 4yo----it's 8:30 mom) Yeah! Totally glad you know how to tell time. It's not even close to that.
• Feeling like I have to repeat myself 50 million damn times!! Example---I headed outside to let the dog out and when I came back in, AD had picked B up out of her cradle and stuck her in AN's doll cradle...Can you say heart attack?!?! I've tried explaining to this child SEVERAL times that he cannot pick her up. Do you think he gets that?? of course not!
• Looking for new blogs to stalk this morning and coming across a blog with a black background and white text..Do you know what this does to my eyes?? So much for stalking you.......
• Cartoons. Am so very sick of cartoons. One day without having to watch them would be like heaven around here.
• Cold coffee. Could I ever enjoy one cup of WARM coffee before I have to start my day. By the time I finally sit down to take a drink of it, it tastes like someone took a bottle of water and dumped it in my cup.
• The weather today is freezing. It's probably going to rain and it feels like it's about 50 degrees outside. Last time I checked it's still August, not October (Although I cant complain too much..at least I'm not dealing with the hurricane)

If you're still with me sorry this post is a rant today. Just needed to vent. 

I am also now taking applications for a maid service. Anyone?? Anyone?? No...okay guess it's back to doing this house by myself!!

Happy Saturday everyone!