Rockin The Baby!

I am linking up with Shell over at Things I Can't Say for her Rockin The Baby. I linked up last month for Rockin the Bump and loved it, so had to participate this time as well!:)

AD and I his first week home. *He's now 4--grew up too fast on me*

A picture of AD the first week of his life:)

This one is hard to see, but one of my favs. AN and me, the second day of her life.

My favorite picture of AN right after she was born. Beautiful little angel:)

Head on over and link up! It's a lot of fun!!!!

10 Days of Bullshit Challenge--Day 10

Day 10- Write a letter to you at 16 years old. 

Tory,

I know life seems really crazy to you right now, but don't stress. Things will turn out. Try not to stress too much about the kind of mom you are going to be, (currently you are 3 months pregnant). AD will be one of the best things that happens to you whether you feel like it now or not. 

You will face quite a few difficulties with AD's father, stick it out. In about a year you will get pregnant with the most beautiful little girl. AN will make your life complete.

DO NOT get married. It will be one of the biggest mistakes of your life. The marriage fails miserably after a year's time and it puts you through complete bullshit that is not necessary.

Finish high school. I know getting your GED seems easier now, but you will lose contact with quite a few of your friend after dropping out. 

Don't trust so easily. Learn that new people can sometimes be the enemy. Your new best friend SHOULD NOT be trusted. In the end her friendship will not be worth it. She eventually sleeps with your husband.

I know right now you are back and forth between AD's father and M. Don't stress about the decision you are making right now. Eventually you find your way back to M and you have an amazing life together the second time around. You will get pregnant and have a baby with him:) 

Spend more time with dad. You will lose him a couple of years from now. 

Don't worry about not having your "teenage years" to party. Enjoy spending the weekends at home with the little one. He will grow up before you know it. Several years from now you will have every other weekend to spend out with friends, but you will find out that you spend the first six months at home crying because you wish the kids were here.

Keep your head up. You are a beautiful and strong woman and will turn out to be just that. You will be the best mother you know how to be and life will not be as stressful and depressing as it seems to be now. 

You will succeed! Believe in yourself.

Sincerely,

Tory (5 years from now)

10 Days Of Bullshit Challenge--Day 9

Day 09- If your life was made into a movie what would the title be and who would you cast to play you?

If I had to think of a movie title, I would probably use something along the lines of "The Second Chance" or "The Second Time Around" ....something a little bit more catchy though since I suck at thinking of movie titles. Lol. 

If I had to pick an actress to play me I would probably pick Julia Roberts or Angelina Jolie just because they are awesome as shit with their acting skills.

10 Days of Bullshit Challenge--Day 8

Day 08- Has a person of the same sex made a pass at you, and what was your reaction?

This question makes me laugh. Like seriously. It makes me think back to my teenage years. I have had girls who were my friends in high school who were lesbians, but they knew where they stood with me. Your preference just don't ever try anything with me. I am not a lesbian, although I have nothing against some one who is. 

The first time I can think of ever being hit on by a girl I was probably about 14 years old. I was hanging out with a bunch of friends and a friend of one of the other girls was a lesbian. She ended up grabbing my ass and telling me I was "way too hott!" Lol. Okay sure.

10 Days Of Bullshit Challenge--Day 7

Day 07- What is the difference between love and lust?

So it's day 7 of this challenge and I'm really racking my brain today to figure out a way to answer this question. I have always told myself I knew the distinct difference between love and lust. Hell everyone should right? WRONG! Lust to me was the sort of relationship I have a couple of years ago. He was some random guy I met at a party, hooked up a couple of times, no emotional connection, no nothing. Then I had this huge ordeal where I wanted there to be way more and he didn't. Lust for him, like for me. I've never been a very good person with lust. Screw it!

Love. Hm..To be 100% completely honest, I believe I have only been in love two times in my whole life. Once to my "first love" and once to the father of AD and AN. Love can also kiss my ass. Love is trust, love is compassion, understand, honesty, commitment and being there for each other. The first time I fell in love, my heart was broke tremendously and I thought I would never bounce back from that. The second time I fell in love, the asshole slept with my best friend. Kudos to him I guess. Now I'm in love again. Doesn't count as a third time though because I've never quit loving the guy. He was my "first love" and he will be my "last love" :)

That's all I got!

10 Days of Bullshit Challenge--Day 6

Day 06- Who or what is your inspiration, and why?

This one is kind of hard me. I don't have just one outlet of inspiration, or one person for that matter either. I guess I'll start with this.

My children are the biggest inspiration to me. Most days when I have felt like giving up, just a hug, kiss or an "I love you" from them shows me that I am doing the best I can.

Another inspirational person to me is my boyfriend, M. He has been the most amazing person over the last year of my life. He helped me get through a lot and helped me to reestablish my self esteem. Best man ever by far:)

Now my biggest inspiration by far is my mother.  What an amazing woman! She is the strongest person I know. She has been through so much in her lifetime and dealt with everything to the best of her ability. She is the person who taught me to love, taught me respect and taught me pretty much everything I know about mothering. She raised me into a strong, kind hearted woman and I thank her everyday for all she has done for me!

10 Days Of Bullshit Challenge--Day 5

Day 05- Finish this sentence. If I could change one thing about myself it would be___________.

If I could change one thing about my it would be my voice. I have talked like this my whole life and it doesn't bother most of the people who know me, but I hate meeting new people because of it. I sound like I'm hoarse or that I have a massive cold. That's the joys of being born without your soft palate being developed! Thank you preemie bullcrap!

10 Days of Bullshit Challenge-- Day 4

Day 04- What do you lie about the most?

I would like to say that I never lie, but that's complete bullshit. I lie about little things on a daily basis when it comes to my children, either because it makes things easier for me or I feel it's something they just dont need to know. I don't really know what I lie the most about,whether I lie about one thing more than the other, but the last lie I told was to my children. They were asking questions about my SO's brother and right now he's in some trouble and in jail. I don't feel that the kids at 4yo and 3yo need to know when someone is in jail. It's just too much information for them.

I did lie to them about their Super Papa(my grandpa) passing away. I felt at the time that I didn't want to tell them because they had just lost Papa Steve(my dad) a month earlier. I think that death is a lot for children at that young of age to understand. Right now we are dealing with when anyone gets sick, my kids worry that they are going to go to heaven.  This comes from their Papa Steve being sick. The last memory they have of him is in the hospital and he was "sick".  Someday when the kids are older and can better comprehend things I will probably explain it more and we won't have to lie about stuff anymore.

I am trying to teach my children good morals and to teach them that lying is not okay. But I guess that's a part of life. Everyone lies.

10 Days of Bullshit Challenge--Day 3

Day 03- An experience you're not proud of, but has made you the person you are today. 

 

 An experience that I am not proud of would be marrying my ex husband. Although I would never say I regretted being with him because he is part of the reason I have my two children, but I do regret marrying him. The reason I married him in the first place was because at the time my health insurance was expiring(medicaid) and I was going to be without health insurance. So I figured since we already had two children and I was so "in love" with him getting married would be a good idea. Wrong answer!

Our relationship hadn't been the best prior to getting married. We fought all the time, he went out and drank most of the night away and would come home drunk, leaving me to take care of two children along with trying to manage school. The cheating had also started before we got married, but we had gotten to the point where we forgave each other and moved on. (no I was not perfect)

After getting married, things were really good for the first month. The fighting had stopped, he had cut back on his drinking, and things were going quite well. To be honest, I expected it to honestly work. Two months into the marriage, he quit caring. Needless to say a lot of things happened and we split up and got back together about two or three times. Finally in February of 2010, I left for good. I was tired of it all, my self esteem was shot and I had lost my best friend. (She had been sleeping with him for a couple of months)

No, I dont need the feel sorry pity party bullshit. I can say that I am happier now. I am a better person now and I have learned from the mistakes I made in my relationship with him to make things better in my relationships now. My trust issues suck yes, but thanks to the wonderful man in my life now, I have gotten some of them back...

And a happier note, I love my two children to PIECES and would never say I ever regret being with their father because they wouldn't be here without him.

10 Days of Bullshit Challange--Day 2

Day 02- How was your first experience drinking alcohol?

My first experience drinking alcohol is an interesting one. I think back now and I wonder how I ever wanted to drink again after this experience.

I was 14 years old and had decided to go hang out at a friend's house that night. My friend's older sister was throwing a party with a bunch of her friends, so my friend and I decided to join in and ended up calling a bunch of our friends over as well. The night started out alright, I kind of just walked around and talked to everyone considering I had no idea what I was even doing. Then it happened......

The boy I was crushing on at the time showed up to the party. He had in his hand a bottle of Captain Morgan. He offered me a drink. At the time I just played it off like I totally knew what I was doing and asked him for a beer instead. His friend had an extra beer that he could spare. I cracked it open and took a drink. I literally thought I was going to throw up right there. To keep my cool, I slowly sipped on the beer.

As the night continued everyone kept drinking and stumbling all over the damn place. At one point in time I remember being with my crush's friend. He was trying to hook up with me and thanks to the alcohol I was totally down with it. Turns out it didn't get very far (THANK GOD)

All of a sudden the guy started throwing up like mad crazy. I was freaking out so I ran and grabbed his other friend and brought him back over to the car. We ended up carrying him to the house and putting him in the bathtub in the bathroom. He was suffering from alcohol poisoning and everyone was too damn stupid to take him to the hospital....Luckily the guy slept it off and ended up waking up okay in the morning. Stupid ass teenage kids too stupid to realize that he very well could have possibly died. 

I woke up the next morning feeling like shit and not having any concern for the guy who was in the tub. (I had totally forgotten about it anyway, once again thanks to the alcohol). After realizing what had happened I told myself I was never drinking again....Needless to say I still drink to this day, except now a days I'm smarter about it.

*The funny part about this whole story, the guy who ended up suffering from alcohol poisoning turned out to be the guy I married 4 years later and divorcing a year after that for his alcohol use and cheating. He's also AD and AN's father.* 

Fawk You Friday and 10 Days of Bullshit Challenge

Linking up my first Fawk You Friday Post (It's been one of those weeks)

Fawk you bank account.....I have been trying everything possible to get caught up and do what I need to do to stay at a positive balance, but you just keep reaming my ass with overdraft charges. Thank you for not giving a shit!

Fawk you sibling.....Now normally I would never ever ever have a negative thing to say about my siblings (okay, thats a lie) but normally I wouldn't bitch about it....This week is a whole different story. Had a fall out with my youngest sister and we are officially not speaking.......We'll probably be better sometime next week, but we are both so damn stubborn headed that we dont know how to be the first one to apologize!

Fawk you cable company....I have officially been without cable TV now for a good week...why you ask? Because the damn cable company can't send a technician out to fix my stupid box or my satellite or whatever the hell happens to be wrong with it now!

Fawk you screaming voice....Odd right? I agree, but I wish for once I would lose the ability to scream. I scream from the time I get up in the morning until the time the kids go to bed at night. My stress level...through the damn room....Totally sick of it! Thank you so much voice box!!!!

Fawk you children.....Sound harsh? I know.....and dont get me wrong love both of them to pieces...more than anything...but this week.......seriously? Didn't I give birth to you 4 and 3 years ago??? So why do I feel like you're up my ass all day (And no, I didn't give birth out my ass, bad choice of words I think! LOL)

Fawk you heat....Ok, so I am really not trying to complain about this one because I would rather it be hot than cold, but I can't take much more of this damn heat at 35 weeks pregnant. I feel like a fricken beached whale!!! How about getting an air conditioner that cools the whole house?? Oh yeah thats right...not possible in this STUPID house with the STUPID windows!

Also this week, I will be linking up with Rockin Mama starting her 10 days of bullshit challenge. Sounds like a great way to keep myself blogging for at least 10 days!

Day 1-- A recent photo of you with a funny caption

I know you are thinking...your nose looks kind of funny. Well thank you to my 24 year old sister who decided to kick me in it and break it when I was in 5th grade! *BITCH* :)